Forgotten, But Always On My Mind
by xXElleGurlXx
Summary: In New Moon when Bella jumps off the cliff. In the hospital Carlisle Cullen is her doctor, but she doesn't remember him or any of the Cullens. She has weird dreams of a bronze haired, green eyed boy. Her life takes a twist. Lemons and violence. RATED M!


Chapter Notes: The first about half of this chapter is all from New Moon, if you want to you can skip it. All songs and most of the characters and the the world of Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and their respective artists.

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Chapter 1:

BPOV

_I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it…waiting._

"_Bella."_

_I smiled and exhaled. _

**Yes? **_I didn't answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice - the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices._

"_Don't do this," he pleaded._

**You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, watch me.**

"_Please. For me."_

**But you won't stay with me any other way.**

"_Please." It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes - making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day._

_I rolled up onto the balls of my feet._

"_No, Bella!" He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely._

_I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool - feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring…_

_And I flung myself off the cliff._

_I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth._

**Yes! **_The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colder than I'd feared, and et the chill only added to the high._

_I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn't had one moment of terror - just pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn't scary at all. Where was the challenge?_

_That was when the current caught me._

_I'd been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that I hadn't worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf._

_It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn't know which way the shore was._

_I couldn't even tell which way the surface was._

_The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward. Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves - I couldn't feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a rag doll._

_I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen. _

_It didn't surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there. He owed me that much, considering that I was dying. I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was. I was going to drown. I was drowning._

"_Keep swimming!" Edward begged urgently in my head._

**Where?**_There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to._

" _Stop that!" he ordered. "Don't you dare give up!" _

_The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs. I didn't feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water._

_But I listened to him. I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to kick harder, though every second I was facing a new direction. It couldn't be doing any good. What was the point?_

"_Fight!" he yelled. "Damn it, Bella, keep fighting."_

**Why?**

_I didn't want to fight anymore. And it wasn't the lightheadedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I'd faced. Oddly peaceful._

_I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?_

_I saw _him, _and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage. _

"_No! Bella, no!"_

_My ears were flooded with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of his voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I'd forgotten what real happiness felt like. _

_Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable._

_The current won at that moment, shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom. It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water flooded down my throat, choking and burning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging, me pulling away from Edward, deeper into dark, to the ocean floor._

**Goodbye, I love you,**_ was my last thought. _

Pages 358-362; New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer

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_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Stupid alarm clock! _My head screamed.

I opened my eyes so I could kill the demon, but was blinded by a bright light the second my eyelids lifted.

"Holy crow!" I silently exclaimed.

"Bella?" _Charlie? _Why was he in my room?

"Cha-dad. What are you doing in my room?"

"Bells, you're in the hospital."

My eyes _finally_ adjusted to the light, and he was proven to be correct.

I groaned. "What did I do this time?"

He gave me a weird, wary look. "Bella….you jumped off that cliff in La Push."

My eyes popped open as I remembered, the experience flashing in my eyes.

_Cold._

_Black._

_Burning._

_Cramping._

_Happiness?…..Peace?….._

_Acceptance? _

What the hell? I was dying! So, please, tell me _why_ I was having a freaking party at the bottom of the ocean?

"Oh. Yeah. I remember now." I said slowly.

The door suddenly opened and in walked a very attractive man. He was probably around 6 feet, slim frame, slicked back light blonde hair, looked to be about in his early thirties, and had the most unusual golden amber-like eyes.

"Ah, Bella. Good to see you awake."

"Yeah. It's to be alive, Dr….." I said, waiting for him to introduce himself. But all he did was just stare at me expectantly like I should know his name. I looked over to Charlie who was gazing back at me with this curious, confused look in his eyes.

I looked back at the doctor and said, "I'm sorry, but, what's your name?"

The look on his face when I said that was slightly horrified, in the best words I can describe. "Bella. It's me, Carlisle Cullen."

My eyebrows scrunched together. Have I met him? That's exactly what I asked him. "Have we met before?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Charlie. "Dr. Cullen, do you mind if we stepped out to talk for a minute?"

Charlie's POV

I watched with rapt attention as my daughter struggled to figure out the identity of someone who was one of the most important people in her life and had sent her into a catatonic state.

Just when he was going to tell answer her new question, I asked him to step out into the hall with me.

He closed the door behind him and turned to me. "Well, Charlie, it seems as if she has amnesia." Carlisle sighed in resignation.

"No." I said, making him look up at me. "She remembered me. She remembered jumping. She just doesn't remember you. This may be a good thing. I'm going to go ask her if she remembers the rest of your family."

I walked back into the room and sat back down at the side of my baby girl's bed. She looked up at me with curious, big doe-eyes.

"Bells, do you remember any of the Cullens?"

She shook her head. I struggled to keep my eyebrows from shooting up into what used to be my hairline, but had recently receded a bit.

"Alice?" she shook her head again. I sighed, running my hand over my face, regretting the next name to come out of my mouth. "Edward?"

Her eyes narrowed in confusion. And once again…she shook her head.

Realization hit me hard.

I patted her hand, told her I'd be back, and walked back out the door to a disgruntled look Carlisle.

"I want you to leave." I said abruptly, causing his eyes to snap to mine in alarm. "I want you, and your family to stay out of my little girl's life." I continued.

"Charlie, I don't understand."

"Is that boy of your's here?"

"Yes. The whole family's here. In the waiting room."

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Chapter End Notes: Please review and tell me what you think. This is my first fanfic, and I was planning on having this chapter longer, but wanted to know what people thought of it first. Thank you! :D


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